Life doesn’t have a plan, or won’t follow one. This post will be a little different. I’m not following my plan, because life didn’t let me.
I planned to tell you, my reader, or whoever out there is reading this, how I came to be here, writing this blog. To do that, I needed to explain last year, and I began to. I wrote of every moment of significance that contributed to this reason of mine. And I intended to continue, and that is why now, I can no longer follow that plan, and I intend to explain my noticeable absence.
Just when it feels like everything is going right, I’ve come to learn that life always has a way of smacking you sideways. As the mundane things like college, and work and exams got in the way, something else happened. Something that changed my life forever. I know, it’s a dramatic statement, we’re changing everyday, and molded into a slightly different form of who we used to know the day before. But then there are those moments, those colossal moments of impact that transcend change and transform you instead.
I lost someone two months ago. And it changed my life. It has made me angry, it has made me sad. It has made it impossible for me to distinguish between the two emotions. It made the parts of my old life untouchable, until now. And I’m torn between trying to move on and never wanting to forget. I feel as though everyone else around me is moving on, and I don’t want to, or I do, but we shouldn’t because this person deserves more than a memory. This person deserves more than to be a memory, because they live on for me. In life, this person was too alive to be regarded as a ‘once was’. This person was too alive to not be anymore.
Call me naive and call me an optimist, but I want to end this on a good note, so here goes. Life won’t follow your plans, and I’m still not sure if ‘everything happens for a reason’ resonates with me, but what I do know is that life goes on. And I hope it will get better because I also know it doesn’t get easier. I don’t want this to get easier because it doesn’t deserve to be forgotten about. But I want to live, because life does goes on, and so I will live, and live on.